When Love Turned Into “No Show”
Zimbabwean TikToker Sharlene Kachere shook the internet when she revealed that her groom didn’t show up for their planned Roora (lobola) ceremony on 27 September 2025.
She posted emotionally, saying, “We lose for us to win.”
But as social media does best, it went into full investigation mode some blasting the man for being heartless, while others whispered that maybe, the groom was giving her a taste of her own medicine after alleged cheating rumors surfaced.
But let’s park the gossip and grab our notebooks. Because, believe it or not, love and sales are the same thing both require qualification, timing, and follow-up.
So, my brother the groom, before you plan Roora, you must qualify the lead or in this case, the bride.
The BANT Formula of Love and Sales
In sales, professionals use the BANT formula to qualify clients to avoid wasting time on people who were never going to buy. And this same logic applies to relationships.
Let’s break it down:
B Budget
In business: before pitching your product, you ask, “What’s your monthly revenue?”
Because not everyone can afford what you’re selling.
In love: before you fall head over heels, ask, “What’s your income?”
Not because you’re a gold digger, but because you want to understand if you’re building a partnership or starting a rescue mission.
If someone can’t even afford to recharge airtime but is busy promising Roora, you might need to downgrade your expectations from “marriage” to “situationship.”
A Authority
In sales: you must know who makes the final decision.
Is it the person you’re talking to, or their boss?
In relationships: it’s the same.
Ask, “Who really runs your life?”
If every answer starts with “my mother said…” then my sister, you’re not marrying a man you’re joining a committee.
And my brother, if you don’t like decisions by committee, qualify early before Roora day becomes Judgment Day.
N Need
In sales: always find out why the client wants your service.
In love: find out why your partner wants marriage.
Is it love? Pressure? Competition with their best friend who just got married? Or maybe they just want new pictures for Instagram captions like “Mrs. Somebody”?
If the “need” isn’t genuine, you’re setting yourself up for return policy issues later.
T Time
In sales: ask “When do you want to buy?”
Some clients want the product now. Others say “after elections.”
In love: the same rule applies.
Ask, “When do you want to get married?”
If they say “Maybe 2030, when I’m ready,” my brother, take your goats back home. That’s not a ready buyer; that’s a prospect still enjoying mjolo.
The Vendor’s Wisdom
Now, before we start clapping for the groom or throwing shade at the bride, let’s get one thing clear:
We do not blame the guywe blame the girl who failed to close the deal.
In love relationships, when a customer says they want to come kumaroora, you stay with them until they’ve paid.
You don’t relax when they say “We’re coming next week.”
Stay close. Follow up. Call. Text. Visit. Stay with your customer until they buy.
Because whether you’re selling tomatoes or waiting for Roora, the deal is not done until the money exchanges hands.
The Business & Love Lesson
This Roora story is more than drama it’s a sales masterclass.
Both love and business require clarity, qualification, and timing.
Don’t rush to sign contracts or wedding vows before confirming the buyer’s readiness.
And don’t just fall for presentations cars, suits, and English accents don’t equal commitment.
The groom might have been wrong for disappearing, yes but the biggest lesson remains:
always qualify your leads before you invest your emotions or your goats.
The Moral
So, to my brother the groom, we hear you.
And to my sister Sharlene, chin up every heartbreak carries a hidden MBA in sales and psychology.
Because in both love and business, remember this vendor’s wisdom:
“Never celebrate promises celebrate payments.”
After all, a Roora isn’t complete until the lobola is paid and the customer doesn’t vanish.
By The Chartered Vendor
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