So, a few months ago, I found myself on an unexpected adventure — I became a real estate scout for my relative based in the diaspora. The mission? Help him buy a house in Zimbabwe, budget around $300,000. A decent amount, right? Enough to expect at least a little courtship before committing.
Armed with my smartphone and bundles of hope, I hit the local property websites. I thought, this is going to be fun — I’ll speak to professionals, see some beautiful homes, maybe even get offered a free bottle of Mazoe at a viewing.
I was wrong.
The moment I messaged the first agent, this is how it went:
Agent: “Hie. What’s your budget?”
Me: “Around $300,000.”
Agent: “Ok. I’ll send pics.”
[Sends 8 blurry images, 3 with dogs in the background, 2 with broken tiles, and 1 with a shoe in the corridor]
Agent: “Are you available for viewing today?”
Wait… what?
That’s it? No “Hello, how can I help?” No “What are your needs?” No “What area do you prefer?” No “Are you looking for investment or personal residence?”
No vibe, no charm, no conversation.
Just vibes and JPEGs.
At some point I started to wonder — do I need to know someone just to buy a house in this country?
Because clearly, having $300,000 to spend is not enough. You must also have connections, introductions, maybe even a blood covenant.
Buying a $300,000 house is not like buying airtime from a street vendor. It’s not “Give me that one and that one. Ah no, that one has cracks.”
This is a life-changing investment. It’s serious stuff. But these agents were moving like I had told them, “Just surprise me.”
One even said:
“If you’re serious, come for viewing.”
Bro.
If I’m “serious”?
I’m dealing with someone else’s $300,000.
You want me to “just come for viewing” before even asking me what I’m looking for?
That’s like going on a date and saying:
“Hie. Let’s kiss first, then talk later.”
The real estate industry in Zimbabwe seems to have missed Lesson 1 in Sales 101: Understand your client’s needs.
- Ask questions.
- Understand the lifestyle, the dreams, the why behind the purchase.
- Paint a picture.
- Build a relationship.
But instead, they were just flinging properties at me like flyers at a kombi rank.
It’s like the logic was: “As long as I send you a picture and a price, I’ve done my job.”
No sir, no madam. This is not Chicken Slice. You don’t just point and go.
Dear agents, if you’re reading this, we’re not trying to play hard to get — we just want to be respected.
Here’s what we need from you:
- Ask the right questions – What’s the buyer’s profile? Do they want investment, personal home, retirement property?
- Act like a consultant, not a vendor – You’re not selling tomatoes.
- Add value – Help us navigate areas, payment terms, due diligence, and potential risks.
- Earn our trust – $300,000 isn’t pocket change. Show professionalism and follow-up.
- Don’t rush intimacy – We need some foreplay. Take us out for coffee (metaphorically).
Real estate is not about buildings, it’s about people and dreams.
If you treat a potential buyer like a transaction, you’ll lose the sale before it even starts. But if you take time to understand them, build trust, and walk the journey, they’ll not only buy — they’ll refer you to others.
Because in this business, just like in dating — it’s not just about showing up; it’s about showing that you care.
So next time, dear agent, let’s have a little chat first… before you send those random pictures and ask for a viewing.
I’m not that easy.
