📦 “SORRY, I’M IN CHINA”: THE NEW AUTO-REPLY FROM ZIMBABWEAN ENTREPRENEURS

I tried calling one of my friends last week. He didn’t pick up the first time. So I called again.
 This time he answered and said:

“Ah sorry boss, I’m not in Zim. I’m in China.”

Okay. Cool. No problem.

Then I tried calling my pastor.

“Sorry Jerry, I’m in China. Will be back on the 4th of May.”

I thought, Wow okay, even man of God has gone global.

So I decided to call one of my clients.
 Guess what he said?

“Jerry… I’m in China.”

�� At this point I was about to check my own passport—maybe I was in China too and didn’t know it!

I’ve now come to a shocking conclusion:

Shona is now an official language in China.
 Every corner of Guangzhou, you hear:
 “Ingori ndeipi ndeipi!”
 “Makadii China?”
 “Chii chiri kubuda pa container nhasi?”

���� ZIMBABWEANS: THE ORIGINAL GLOBAL CITIZENS

Zimbabweans are not just travelers—they are economic migrants with a business plan.

Let’s rewind the hustle:

1️⃣ Early 2000s – The South Africa & UK Invasion

Every cousin, uncle, neighbor, and kombi conductor was boarding a bus to Johannesburg or flying to Heathrow.

Why?

• To send groceries back home.
• To start salons in Hillbrow.
• To wash dishes in London while building houses in Gweru.

There was a time if you said, “I’m going to SA,” people would just ask:
 “Do you want me to send something to my sister in Pretoria?”

2️⃣ 2020 – The Dubai Takeover

Then came the Dubai Era.

Zimbabweans flooded UAE so hard that Emirates and Qatar Airways had to create a WhatsApp group just for Harare and Lusaka traffic.

Suddenly, every auntie was importing kitchenware.
 Every uncle was selling “Original Dubai” shoes (that looked suspiciously like Bata from Mbare).
 People even brought back perfumes that could baptize a whole street.

We even created Dubai English:

“This one is original from Dobs… straight from Dragon Mart.”

3️⃣ 2024 – CHINA: THE SOURCE OF SOURCES

Now we’ve levelled up.

China is the new Eldorado.

People no longer want to buy products from middlemen. No no no.
 Now it’s:

“I’m going to China to meet the supplier DIRECTLY.”
 “Ndiri kuChina ku factory ka!”
 “I’m not just importing—I’m sourcing for the whole region!”

I know over 50 businesspeople who are in China right now.

That’s not a coincidence. That’s a movement.

���� WHY CHINA?

Let’s be honest—who can resist China?

• It’s the world’s biggest producer of almost everything.
• One phone call and you get 10,000 phone covers printed with your face.
• You want LED lights shaped like your logo? They got you.
• You want a machine that prints T-shirts, grills chicken, and plays music? It’s there.

China is not a country anymore.
 It’s a business university—and Zimbabweans are attending every semester.

�� ZIMBABWEANS DON’T JUST MOVE—THEY BUILD

We don’t just go to countries.

We start salons in Johannesburg.
 We open churches in Leeds.
 We launch boutiques in Dubai.
 And now, in China… we’re setting up logistics lines, partnering with factories, and learning Mandarin one hustle at a time.

Soon we’ll have a kombi in Guangzhou blasting Jah Prayzah and a lady at the back selling freezit.

�� AFTER CHINA, WHERE NEXT?

Let’s be real: at this rate, Zimbabweans are unstoppable.

After China?

We might just follow Elon Musk to Mars.

I can already picture it:

• “Chikafu chako chabva kuMars Kitchen.”
• “Imported straight from Red Planet Wholesale Mart.””
• “Vapostori variko, varikungoti ‘Tirimo kumars, tirimo’!”

�� IFYOUR NEIGHBOUR IS MISSING…

Don’t report them missing.

Don’t panic.

They’re not hiding.

They’re in China.

Probably in a warehouse, selecting phone chargers, shouting:

“Ndati give me the cheaper one, not this one yakaita kunge ZESA plug!”

Zimbabweans have one thing that can’t be denied:
 Resilience. Curiosity. Hunger. Hustle.

Where there is opportunity, you will find a Zimbabwean.
 They don’t wait for the world to come to them—they go out and grab it.

So to everyone out there thinking small, waiting for perfect conditions, scared of the unknown…

Just remember: your friends are already in China.
 Learning. Buying. Exploring. Growing.

Maybe it’s time you joined them.

(Or at least asked them to bring you something ��)